WEbooker of the WEek Laughs, Cries, Laughs Until he Cries06:04
My fifth grade science teacher once told me that a smile uses something like fifty more muscles than a frown. "So if I see you sitting there smiling," he said, "I'll know you're not really happy; you're just lazy."
Unfortunately, I have no marketable job skills. So I feel trapped.
Right now, I am blinking in Morse Code, much like scared hostages do
when they go on television. "Help", I am blinking. "Somebody save me
from the post office." But this is the internet, and I have no webcam,
so nobody can see me. And my knowledge of Morse Code is terrible. I'm
probably blinking something like, "The chicken living in my trousers is
on fire." Maybe someday I can quit the post office. And then, maybe I
can do something about that chicken."
You're smiling, right? Just wait until you read The Life and Times of McZero and Tales from the Post Office. But before you do, let's find out a little more about our WEbooker of the WEek.
McZero was born in Springfield, Missouri, and spent most of his life there. Much of his youth was spent reading comic books, and, because
of this, he was totally unprepared for real life. Since graduating from college, he has been employed as the worst salesman in Radio Shack history, a sports writer for the local newspaper, and, currently, an agent of the United States post office. He currently lives in Montana with his girlfriend, Carol. Carol used to feel that McZero wasted too much time watching television, so she
encouraged him to find a hobby, like working out in the gym or some kind
of exercising. Says McZero: "Well, THAT wasn't going to happen, so I decided to
start writing instead. Then I discovered WEbook, where I have had the
most awesome time, and where I have met lots of great people." The rest, as they say, is history.
Q: According to your profile, you went to the same elementary school as Bob Barker. Were you actually there at the same time as Mr. Barker?
A: Although I went
to the same elementary school as Bob Barker, if I had been there at the
same time I would probably be dead. He's quite a bit older than I am.
But I did grow up in Springfield at the same time as Brad Pitt,
although we attended different schools. He went to the school with all
the rich kids who grew up to be lawyers and movie stars, whereas I was
on the other side of the tracks where all the hobos-in-training
attended. In fact, I consider myself the anti-Brad Pitt. If the two of
us were ever to shake hands, there would probably be an explosion that
would take out the entire western hemisphere.
Q: What is the funniest thing that's happened to you in the last week?
A: Last week,
Carol, her son Riley, and I went to pick up our dog, Maggie, at the
veterinarian. On the trip there, Riley and I were talking about
diarrhea and how funny the whole concept was. When we got there, Carol
went to pick up the dog while Riley and I waited in the lobby. The vet
came out and started explaining to us what was wrong with Maggie, and
how the medication he gave her triggered a bad case of diarrhea. We
weren't even able to reply intelligibly as we both totally lost it and
started laughing uncontrollably. We actually ended up on the floor
clutching our stomachs. The vet didn't know what to make of us, so he kept
talking, and kept mentioning diarrhea, and we kept laughing even
harder. Finally, Carol came to the lobby with Maggie and had to
apologize for our behavior.
Q: How often do you laugh? How often do you cry?
A: I don't laugh or cry much. Except when someone mentions diarrhea. Then I pretty much laugh until I cry.
Q: If you had an alter-ego, what would your name be, and what would you do?
A: I do have an alter-ego. It's McZero, of course. And my specialty is finding myself in hilarious situations.
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