Chore-laden teenagers, MacGyver obsessions, and deranged sheep led the way in last week's "So, How Was Your Weekend?" story smackdown. But alas, it was gojake's "Flying 600-pound Man" that swooped in and won the day.
Flying 600-Pound Man
by gojake
There's nothing big about me. Okay, perhaps my mouth at times. But all and all I am petite, weighing in about 100 pounds.
I am also granted with the gift of doing things for a living that I love. One of my jobs is a recreational technician at a rehab nursing home. It is my job to get as many residents excited about crafts and ball tossing as I can.
One resident, we'll call him Joe, never leaves the room. Being a newbie at this facility I balked at the warnings to not go in there. I wasn't prepared for the mountain of a man that lay on a double bed.
Joe, well, has attitude. He's angry at the world, anti social, so I go in everyday to irritate him, perhaps entice him to play cards. He gets discouraged because it takes an hour to get him from bed.
On Sunday, I went in an asked him to play cards with a couple guys. He refused.
"What can I do?" I asked.
"I gamble. How about a bet?"
"Deal," I said.
"Okay, how about this. If you beat me to the card room, I'll come to activities all the time. But if I get there first, you have to help bathe me."
My lips fluttered. You're on. I'm thinking: sucker bet. He weighs 600 pounds.
Card playing time was at 2 p.m., so I waited to see him come around the bend, figuring I'd give him a little head start. Next thing I know "beep beep," he here comes in a motorized wheelchair, zooming right by and beyond me.
Well, I ran, as fast I I could. To no avail. I arrived last, out of breath, hanging on to the wall.
He smiled. "I bathe on Thursdays."
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